Tools
Practical strategies you can use today. From de-escalating conflict to setting boundaries to staying safe — these tools help you take action.
Knowledge is important, but sometimes you need something you can actually do. These practical tools give you concrete strategies for common challenging situations.
Each tool includes scripts you can adapt, step-by-step guidance, and important safety considerations.
De-escalation
12 min read
Learn how to lower the temperature when conflict is heating up. Techniques for calming yourself and the situation before things escalate.
- Escalation ladder
- Breathing techniques
- Structured break protocol
- Repair attempts
Boundaries
15 min read
How to set limits that protect you without escalating conflict. The difference between boundaries and ultimatums, and what to do when boundaries are tested.
- Boundary formula
- Script examples
- Testing patterns
- The broken record technique
Documentation
10 min read
How to keep records of what's happening without obsessing over it. Documentation that grounds you in reality and protects you if needed.
- Incident log format
- Facts vs. interpretations
- Secure storage options
- Timeline template
Digital Safety
14 min read
Technology can be used to monitor, control, and harass. Learn how to assess your devices, communicate safely, and protect your privacy.
- Device safety checks
- Safe communication methods
- Smart home awareness
- Leaving safely
Anxiety & Panic Support
8 min read
Quick help for panic symptoms, grounding, and next steps. Includes scripts and urgent safety guidance.
- 60-second reset
- Grounding 5-4-3-2-1
- Breathing options
- When to seek help
Quick Access
Need something specific right now?
📞 In a heated moment?
Try the De-escalation Quick Reference
✍️ Need a script?
📱 Worried about device safety?
Check the Device Safety Checklist
📋 Need to log an incident?
Use the Incident Log Format
How to Use These Tools
Start Where You Are
You don't need to read everything. Pick the tool that addresses your most pressing concern right now.
Practice When Calm
Try techniques like breathing or boundary scripts when you're not in crisis. It makes them easier to use when you need them.
Adapt to Your Situation
Every relationship is different. Adjust the scripts and strategies to fit your specific circumstances.
Safety First
These tools are designed with safety in mind, but you know your situation best. If something feels risky, trust your instincts.
⚠️ Important Safety Note
These tools are most effective in relationships with high conflict but not severe danger. If you are in an abusive relationship, some of these strategies (especially boundary-setting and documentation) could escalate risk.
Before taking action in a dangerous situation, please consult with a domestic violence advocate. Call the National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 for safety planning support.
Get Help Resources →