What Is Technology-Facilitated Abuse?
Technology-facilitated abuse uses digital tools to control, monitor, harass, or intimidate someone. Research indicates that 97% of domestic violence programs report their clients experience technology-facilitated abuse. This form of abuse is often invisible and can make victims feel like they're "going crazy" when their privacy is violated in ways they can't see or prove.
Technology abuse includes:
- Surveillance: Tracking location, reading messages, monitoring activities
- Harassment: Constant texts/calls, threats via digital means, impersonation
- Control: Restricting device access, controlling accounts, changing passwords
- Exposure: Threatening to share private images/information
- Financial: Monitoring spending, blocking access to accounts
Common Monitoring Methods
📱 Spyware Apps
Apps like mSpy, FlexiSpy, or "parental control" software can read texts, emails, calls, location, and more—often invisibly.
📍 Location Sharing
Find My iPhone, Find My Device, Life360, or shared Google accounts can reveal your location constantly.
🔑 Account Access
Having your passwords, logged into your cloud backup, or recovery access to your accounts.
🏠 Smart Home Devices
Doorbell cameras, smart locks, thermostats, speakers, or cameras can all be used for surveillance and control.
🚗 Vehicle Tracking
Hidden GPS trackers (small magnetic devices), car's built-in GPS, or connected car apps.
💳 Financial Monitoring
Joint accounts, monitoring apps, transaction alerts, or access to your individual accounts.
Warning Signs of Digital Monitoring
Consider whether your partner:
- Knows details about conversations you had when they weren't present
- References information from your private emails or texts
- Always seems to know exactly where you've been
- Shows up unexpectedly at locations you didn't tell them about
- Asks about people in your contacts or recent calls
- Accuses you based on things they shouldn't know
- Insists on knowing all your passwords "for trust"
- Requires location sharing "so they don't worry"
- Gets angry when your phone is out of their sight
- Has installed "family" or "security" apps on your phone
- Set up your accounts or devices for you
Assessing Your Device
Before making changes, understand what might be monitored. Be careful: Removing monitoring apps or changing passwords can alert the person and may escalate the situation. Consider your safety before taking action.
📱 On iPhone
- Installed Apps: Settings → General → iPhone Storage (look for unfamiliar apps)
- Family Sharing: Settings → [Your Name] → Family Sharing
- Location Sharing: Settings → Privacy → Location Services → Share My Location
- Find My: Settings → [Your Name] → Find My
- Screen Time: Settings → Screen Time (can be used to monitor/restrict)
- Profile: Settings → General → VPN & Device Management (look for profiles)
📱 On Android
- Apps: Settings → Apps → See All Apps (look for unfamiliar apps)
- Device Admin: Settings → Security → Device Admin Apps
- Location: Settings → Location → Location Sharing
- Google Account: Check who's logged into your Google account (can see location history)
- Accessibility: Settings → Accessibility (spyware often requires these permissions)
Creating a Safety Plan Before Acting
If you discover monitoring, don't immediately remove it. First:
- Assess your safety: Will removing monitoring escalate danger?
- Document evidence: Screenshot anything that shows monitoring (store securely)
- Get support: Contact a domestic violence advocate who can help you plan
- Create a safe device: If possible, get an unmonitored phone before making changes
- Plan your actions: Have a support system in place before confronting or removing
Safe Communication Options
Smart Home Safety
Smart home devices pose unique challenges because they may be controlled by whoever set them up:
- Cameras: Indoor cameras, doorbell cameras, baby monitors can all record and transmit
- Smart speakers: Can potentially record conversations
- Smart locks: Can be locked/unlocked remotely
- Thermostats/lights: Can be used to signal someone is watching
If you're concerned:
- Cover cameras with tape or a sliding cover
- Unplug smart speakers when having private conversations
- Note if devices behave strangely (lights change, locks click)
- Document unusual device behavior
- Know that factory resetting devices may require the original owner's credentials
Vehicle Safety
If you suspect a GPS tracker on your vehicle:
- Check common hiding spots: Under the car (magnetic trackers), in wheel wells, under seats, in the trunk, in the OBD port
- Connected cars: Many modern vehicles have built-in GPS. Check the car's app and who has access.
- Professional sweep: Some auto shops or private investigators can scan for trackers
- Consider timing: If you find and remove a tracker, the person will know you found it
Social Media & Online Presence
If You're Leaving
When preparing to leave a controlling relationship, digital safety becomes critical:
Before You Leave
- ☐ Get a safe phone if possible
- ☐ Create new email accounts on safe devices
- ☐ Change passwords on essential accounts (bank, benefits) from a safe device
- ☐ Document evidence of monitoring/abuse securely
- ☐ Make copies of important documents (stored with trusted person)
- ☐ Contact a DV advocate for a safety plan
After You Leave
- ☐ Factory reset your old devices (or get new ones)
- ☐ Remove yourself from Find My/Family Sharing
- ☐ Change passwords on ALL accounts
- ☐ Review account recovery options (phone numbers, backup emails)
- ☐ Enable two-factor authentication everywhere
- ☐ Review privacy settings on all social media
- ☐ Check for tracking devices in your car
- ☐ Be careful about photos showing your new location
For Everyone: Basic Digital Hygiene
Regardless of your situation, these practices help protect your privacy:
🔐 Strong, Unique Passwords
Different password for each important account. Use a password manager if safe to do so.
🔑 Two-Factor Authentication
Adds a second step to login. Use an authenticator app rather than SMS when possible.
📱 Keep Devices Updated
Updates often fix security vulnerabilities that spyware exploits.
🔒 Lock Screen
Use a PIN/password your partner can't guess. Don't use fingerprint if they might unlock while you sleep.
📍 Review Location Settings
Know which apps can access your location and when. Turn off what you don't need.
☁️ Understand Cloud Backup
Know what's backed up to the cloud and who has access to those accounts.
Resources for Tech Safety
- Safety Net at NNEDV: techsafety.org — comprehensive tech safety resources
- National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 — advocates can help with tech safety planning
- Clinic to End Tech Abuse: Cornell University research on tech abuse
Educational Disclaimer
This content is for educational purposes only. It is not therapy, medical advice, legal advice, or a substitute for professional treatment. Always consult qualified professionals for your specific situation.